nocturnal ramble

Controlling the urge to post during a bad mood was def a good idea. I once read to never evaluate your life during a bad mood. You start multiplying the bad and ignoring all the things you should be grateful for. Like whipped cream. There is something so beautiful about the hearts and faces of oppressed people. Their stories are so uplifting. Struggle is really attractive to me for some reason. Maybe it's one of those evolutionary things, we're attracted to men who can survive. Just like men are attracted to hip to waist ratios. All they think about is sex, man. Just kidding. Not really kidding. Wish I was kidding, though. I have so much more to offer!

I love Yasmin Mogahed, btw.

and my younger cousin Ahmed who so rightly said: Exactly life's too short so make it count! Go find someone who accepts you and likes this you not someone they want you to be.

universal ting

They say you can't please everyone or be friends with everyone but I'd like to change that! I don't really enjoy having people dislike me. Pop culture suggests haters are empowering. I think tolerance and brotherhood are much more empowering. You gotta do your part, anyway. Pray for guidance. Pray for pure intentions. Pray for your brother/sister in humanity as much as you pray for yourself. Pray for the ability to love even the most unlovable people.

sundays are for thugs.

Hello world. I've run into the problem I run into with all my blogs! I stop writing when I think I have nothing profound to say. But everything that comes out of my cyber mouth is worth jotting down *rolls eyes at self*. The shooting in Wisconsin is so tragic. I hate senseless violence. I hate all violence. Why can't everyone just get along? I will never understand why people are so closed minded. Like gramps says, we're all made of the same bloody flesh. No one is better than anyone else (except in deeds!). My condolences to the entire Sikh community. Love and good vibes to everyone in the universe. I see no race, religion, nationality, gender, age, sexuality, political party, economic status or any other segregation methods. Any of our lives can be taken in an instant so spend your time on earth in the most warm and positive way you can. God protect us all, yo and give us the strength to pull together and set aside our differences.

Ajeeb

photo creds due to the brilliant mind who posted this.

who shot ya

Over the years I've watered down my intensity in order to be understood and more of a "lady". Asked less questions, opened my mouth a lot less. And I can't think of one way this has benefited me. My drive and curiosity lost in order to satisfy a rigid society who has nothing but restrictions and criticism to offer. What has conformity ever accomplished?

Down

To be loved today we need to tame ourselves. To ignore our desires, to simplify our minds. We must play by the games and rules society tells us. Have our guard up to prevent a pain we will feel anyway. Because there is no wall you can build against yourself. We become our own worst enemy when it comes to love. When it comes to believing that someone is crazy enough to love us. Crazy enough to accept who we are and aren't. To stick with us and not only accept our dreams but to encourage them. To make us capable of what we never thought we could accomplish. Someone who might actually like our quirks and think our lame jokes are funny. Someone who isn't afraid of what the world thinks of us because we know its real. Becoming lost in each others' words but finding one another in a silence so pure. Because we wouldn't need to speak to understand. Hell, we wouldn't even need the physical. Just knowing each other would be enough to satisfy the loneliness. They'd understand how down you were for them, and wouldn't disappear when things became difficult. Attention that does not need to be fought for. Because you trust each other with views and problems, alike.

ode to my grandmothers. idk what ode means though.

I regret how poorly I treated you as a kid. I hated being around people and I had the worst attitude, ever. I never understood you or how much pain you went through. I cared too much about myself to spend time with you. And the worst part is you could tell. You wanted someone to sleep next to you but I rather stay in my room on my computer. You were sick and I failed miserably at attending to you. All these years, I have never heard a complaint from you about anything. You don't even ask for water. Illness has not made you bitter or angry. You stare at me blankly and I'm not sure if you remember me. You probably wouldn't want to anyway. But I hope one day I have the guts to tell you how much I love you. How sorry I am. How much I regret the moments I should've spent with you. Please forgive me oh beautiful soul. I'll never forget your wet kisses, and the smell of your house, and the spaghetti you cooked for me every time I came over. I won't forget your smile, one of the most perfect smiles i have ever seen or the way your eyes glisten. I won't forget how you respond "haree chu" whenever someone asks how you are... no matter how you really feel! I will never forget the simplistic nature of your soul and how modest and pious you are.

All these years wasted in intimidation. You have the strongest personality I have ever witnessed, and I never understood why. I learned a lot about you recently that I wish I had realized sooner. You dealt with so much your whole life. Miscarriages, a semi-present husband, family members with way too much anger, leaving your wealth and comfort behind to move to new places. Your strong personality evolved to help you cope. Underneath it all is the heart of the sweetest angel with such a strong spiritual connection to her creator. You cared so much for us that it made you sick. Hiding specially ordered food to make sure we had the finest things life had to offer and taking us on adventures around the town so we enjoyed ourselves. You showered us in presents and trinkets, trinkets that I'll never throw away. I'm sorry for all of the calls I ignored and all the times I should've called but I didn't. I know you don't hold any of it against me because I can feel it in your touch. I'll never forget holding your hand, or kissing your head, or the way you said to the doctors "i want to go home NOW, this is a prison!". I'll never forget the way you said shattap to people you wouldn't stoop low to deal with. Your funky phone book which kept you in touch with all your friends. Telling everyone you're going to umrah and hajj! "Labaik Allah huma labaik". Constantly asking for ilm --rabi zidni ilma. I love you with all my heart, and you slipping away has left an irreplaceable void in my heart.